Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Youtube | Website
A struggling artist trying to make it. Sometimes I'll indulge in fandom amidst artwork postings and sketches. Actually most of the time. Also, I apparently have a lot of feelings about racism and sexism.
Current shows I'm watching are Nikita, Glee, Hawaii Five-O, The Walking Dead and Legend of Korra (MAKORRA). Asian Fusion is my OTP, Daryl Dixon and Glenn are my TWD faves, and I just love everyone in HFO.
If you’re a “nice guy” to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex.
come on for this succinct and wonderful analysis
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest…
Guys/girls can still be nice guys/girls. Some people are naturally really just that, nice guys/girls.
But from what I’ve seen, here’s one difference between a real nice guy who is genuinely interested in a girl who’s a friend who “unintentionally friendzoned” him, and a misogynistic jerk who pulls the “nice guy” card when the girl doesn’t put out.
The nice guy has a tendency to be nice to everyone he knows. All girls and guys. He most likely starts friendships and then grows to like a person over time into that friendship. But he doesn’t feel entitled to anything, just acknowledges his own feelings as unrequited. He values the friendship with the girl to begin with and fears that confessing his feelings would break that friendship. So he’s stuck in the friendzone until he takes the risk. And the same thing applies vice versa for girls.
The jerk would only stick around, as a “friend,” in hopes for a most likely sexual reward, and upon hearing that the girl he’s interested in does not feel the same way in return, would blame her for “leading him on,” dismiss their “friendship” and guilt trip her for taking advantage of a “nice guy.” It’s about him and what he was denied, and he just can’t take rejection maturely without vilifying the girl. Definitely isn’t a “nice guy” thing to do, and they make real nice guys look bad. They are the ones who usually don’t see that guys and girls can be just friends. They just simply weren’t brought up to know better.
Wong Fu Productions made a nice short that kinda reflects on the experiences of an average nice guy stuck in the friendzone. It’s a bit ideal, but it’s another plausible perspective on the whole thing.
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest…
While I’m well aware that some men do have this mindset and have no right to act as if they’ve been victimized, that isn’t true of every instance in which someone invokes the term “friend-zone”. Women have a documented tendency to prefer unavailable men. (http://www.synergy-pr.com/files/JESP72009%281%29.pdf) It seems to boil down to the idea that that which is easy to obtain is not interesting; something which applies to men as well. S’why playing hard to get works so well.
You can imagine how this tendency can manifest itself. A guy is really interested in a girl. He legitimately wants to do the whole lovey-dovey holding-hands dates-and-snuggles relationship thing with her. He attempts to court her by showing he cares, complimenting her, and making himself available to her. This is the wrong move, as it ends up activating that disinterest in readily available options. Now, this girl’s not going to be conciously aware of her reasoning. When it comes to feelings, the most specific representation of this you’ll hear is “I just don’t feel that way about you”. An honest representation of the guy’s interest can be a subconscious turn-off. So when another guy comes along who really doesn’t care that much - especially one who’s already in a relationship or was in one recently - he’s the one with the better chance. At this point, things are going to seem rough on that first guy, as he really cares about this girl, and has put so much effort into showing it. Not as much of a waste of *time* as a waste of passion, but, eh.
A couple clarifications: You can probably switch the gender of all hypothetical characters and still have a legit, believable narrative. Also, I can’t blame those who friendzone others. “Der Mensch kann wohl tun, was er will, aber er kann nicht wollen, was er will. - Arthur Schopenhauer. A man can do what he wants, but he can’t will what he wants. We don’t choose what we like or how we feel about things. I’m not going to go around shaming on folks for following something which my well be an instinctive desire. That’s just how people tend to work. Nobody to blame, really. Friendzoneing just tends to turn out that way.
Ya know, this whole scenario I’m describing might be a bit more common than the one this previous lady got at. ‘cause who really puts so much time and effort into a girl *just* thinking about her like a sex object? If that’s *all* the guy’s after, he’d stop caring as soon as he’s gotten his every-other-daily wank in. Folks with that kinda motivation are rarely going to sit around in the friendzone or its waiting room for more than a couple months. In case the lady I’m responding to reads this: are you sure you’re not guilty of doing that to your friend?
Reblogging this response, I think this definitely applies too.
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”
and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”
Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?
From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.
Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?
Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”.
(via thewayistare)
