thewayistare:

xvxavier:

If you’re a “nice guy” to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex.

come on for this succinct and wonderful analysis

thewayistare:

daniellemertina:

I honestly don’t know where the myth of women loving rude, exploitative men came from. I have never known a single woman who was happy to be abused by her male partner. Like yeah girl, I love how he never calls me when he says he will… and I love how he flirts with other girls in front of me. He’s the best!

Ya’ll trifling.

I have been in not so great relationships myself, and I can personally say that I was not happy. Hence why they’re exes.

I can say, that when I was younger, I didn’t know in some cases, how to demand respect. Or even more damaging, sometimes I didn’t realize that I could expect more from a man. Due to patriarchy, I’ve entertained my own myths about men in the past. That men cannot be expected to be emotionally responsive, patient, and truly invested in my empowerment. In short. Belief in these myths, I’m sure, contributed (a lot) to the reason why I’ve been in bad relationships.

That’s what always weirds me out about about guys who complain about being “nice guys”. I mean ya’ll realize that women who have it together know better than to deal with trifling men in the first place, right? And even the women who have internalized misogyny to various degrees, don’t like to have their hearts broken.

And this also contributes to victim blaming…it’s a woman’s fault if she’s in an abusive relationship because she WANTED to be abused.

I will personally say that I’m dating who I’m dating because from the start, he was a nice guy. He’s not a Nice Guy TM either (girls see through that crap).

He’s a nice guy as in he actually respects all human beings (including women) and that’s just how he is. I am certain that even if I had rejected him (for whatever reason) he wouldn’t have played the asshole card on somebody else. (But I woulda been stupid to pass my soulmate but lol that’s another story).

Bolded mine

There are a lot of women who buy into the “let the man be a man” “he’s just traditional, that’s all” narrative, even when it comes at their own expense

Many problematic male behaviors get excused by women and men alike under the umbrella of “that’s just how real men are”

Which is bullshit

“And this also contributes to victim blaming…it’s a woman’s fault if she’s in an abusive relationship because she WANTED to be abused”

I can’t even get into my feelings on this or we’ll be here all day…

angels-and-angles:

As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…

“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest…

Guys/girls can still be nice guys/girls. Some people are naturally really just that, nice guys/girls.

But from what I’ve seen, here’s one difference between a real nice guy who is genuinely interested in a girl who’s a friend who “unintentionally friendzoned” him, and a misogynistic jerk who pulls the “nice guy” card when the girl doesn’t put out.

The nice guy has a tendency to be nice to everyone he knows. All girls and guys. He most likely starts friendships and then grows to like a person over time into that friendship. But he doesn’t feel entitled to anything, just acknowledges his own feelings as unrequited. He values the friendship with the girl to begin with and fears that confessing his feelings would break that friendship. So he’s stuck in the friendzone until he takes the risk. And the same thing applies vice versa for girls.

The jerk would only stick around, as a “friend,” in hopes for a most likely sexual reward, and upon hearing that the girl he’s interested in does not feel the same way in return, would blame her for “leading him on,” dismiss their “friendship” and guilt trip her for taking advantage of a “nice guy.” It’s about him and what he was denied, and he just can’t take rejection maturely without vilifying the girl. Definitely isn’t a “nice guy” thing to do, and they make real nice guys look bad. They are the ones who usually don’t see that guys and girls can be just friends. They just simply weren’t brought up to know better.

Wong Fu Productions made a nice short that kinda reflects on the experiences of an average nice guy stuck in the friendzone. It’s a bit ideal, but it’s another plausible perspective on the whole thing.

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI

Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMGeWGvDHTA

Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5lJL2peXik

dunderpunch:

angels-and-angles:

As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…

“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest…

While I’m well aware that some men do have this mindset and have no right to act as if they’ve been victimized, that isn’t true of every instance in which someone invokes the term “friend-zone”. Women have a documented tendency to prefer unavailable men. (http://www.synergy-pr.com/files/JESP72009%281%29.pdf) It seems to boil down to the idea that that which is easy to obtain is not interesting; something which applies to men as well. S’why playing hard to get works so well. 

You can imagine how this tendency can manifest itself. A guy is really interested in a girl. He legitimately wants to do the whole lovey-dovey holding-hands dates-and-snuggles relationship thing with her. He attempts to court her by showing he cares, complimenting her, and making himself available to her. This is the wrong move, as it ends up activating that disinterest in readily available options. Now, this girl’s not going to be conciously aware of her reasoning. When it comes to feelings, the most specific representation of this you’ll hear is “I just don’t feel that way about you”. An honest representation of the guy’s interest can be a subconscious turn-off. So when another guy comes along who really doesn’t care that much - especially one who’s already in a relationship or was in one recently - he’s the one with the better chance. At this point, things are going to seem rough on that first guy, as he really cares about this girl, and has put so much effort into showing it. Not as much of a waste of *time* as a waste of passion, but, eh. 

A couple clarifications: You can probably switch the gender of all hypothetical characters and still have a legit, believable narrative. Also, I can’t blame those who friendzone others. “Der Mensch kann wohl tun, was er will, aber er kann nicht wollen, was er will. - Arthur Schopenhauer. A man can do what he wants, but he can’t will what he wants. We don’t choose what we like or how we feel about things. I’m not going to go around shaming on folks for following something which my well be an instinctive desire. That’s just how people tend to work. Nobody to blame, really. Friendzoneing just tends to turn out that way. 

Ya know, this whole scenario I’m describing might be a bit more common than the one this previous lady got at. ‘cause who really puts so much time and effort into a girl *just* thinking about her like a sex object? If that’s *all* the guy’s after, he’d stop caring as soon as he’s gotten his every-other-daily wank in. Folks with that kinda motivation are rarely going to sit around in the friendzone or its waiting room for more than a couple months. In case the lady I’m responding to reads this: are you sure you’re not guilty of doing that to your friend? 

Reblogging this response, I think this definitely applies too.